Marriage Frequently Asked Questions

1. What are the requirements to be married in the Catholic Church?

According to the Canon Law, which is the law of the Church, the following requirements must be met in order for a Catholic marriage to be valid:

 

·        At least one of the spouses is a baptized Catholic

·        The wedding must be celebrated in a Catholic church in the presence of a Catholic priest, deacon, or bishop, and in the presence of at least two other witnesses;

·        The two spouses must be free to marry (they must, for example, have no prior valid marriages or any other vow that would impede the spouses from fulfilling their commitment to marriage);

·        The two spouses must be psychologically mature and capable of consenting to the marriage;

·        The two spouses must understand the nature of Catholic marriage (for example, the marriage must be exclusive, permanent, and open to having children)

·        Under the regulations of the Diocese, the spouses must also meet with the priest or deacon who will be witnessing their marriage, and / or a member of the parish staff who will guide them through the Marriage Catechumenate, or the marriage formation process.

 

Each of these requirements are important to ensure the validity of your marriage. For more information, see Question 2: Why does the Church have so many rules for a Catholic marriage?

 

2. Why does the Church have so many rules for a Catholic marriage?

Marriage is taken seriously in the Church because God himself authored it (CCC 1603). The significance of marriage is clearly articulated through scripture, beginning in Genesis through the book of Revelation. We are clearly told that marriage is the sacred covenant between a man, a woman, and God: it is a visible sign of God’s love and commitment to his people (Ephesians 5:31-32).

 

Marriage is foundational to family and society, and so it is central to the life of the Church. It is a public act that is celebrated as part of the Church’s liturgy, which introduces the couple into their vocation within the Church. Marriage creates a permanent and faithful bond between husband and wife; it establishes significant rights and responsibilities between the married couple and, eventually, their children.

 

Because marriage plays such a significant role within the Church and society, the Church wants to ensure that each couple is properly prepared and that they enter into it freely, without reservation, and with full understanding of what is involved. The Church also has an obligation to make sure that each marriage is celebrated correctly.

 

In short, the Church is adhering to her obligation to nurture, and nourish, the spiritual health of God’s children. Couples who openly journey through the formation process often find they grow in union with Christ and with each other, and that the Catechumenate addresses critical aspects of their relationship while increasing their love for Christ, his Church, and each other.

 

3. Why is the Marriage Catechumenate so long?

Emphasizing the importance of marriage in the Church and society, Pope Francis recently extended the formation period for the Sacrament of Marriage, stating that “There is…first and foremost a duty to accompany with a sense of responsibility those who manifest the intention to be united in marriage, so that [couples] may be preserved from the traumas of separation and never lose faith in love” (Catechumenal Itineraries for Married Life). Because Christian marriage is a sacrament and a permanent vocation into which you have been called by God, the Catholic Church wants you to be well-prepared.

 

The extended length of the formation process helps you develop a better understanding of the sacrament while evaluating and deepening your readiness to live your vocation of married life within the beauty of the Church and your parish community. The process also helps you to gain insights into yourself, as an individual, and as a couple, while building the virtues critical for a healthy relationship that more fully unites your marriage to Christ. For more information, please see Question 2: Why does the Church have so many rules for a Catholic marriage?

 

4. Can we get married in the Catholic Church if one of us is Catholic and the other is a baptized non-Catholic?

Yes, a Catholic may marry another baptized Christian, providing that the couple is free to be married, both parties understand the nature of Catholic marriage, and the Catholic party obtains from his or her bishop a formal permission for the marriage. The formal permission is called a dispensation. For more information about dispensations, please see the answer to Question 5: Can we get married in the Catholic Church if one of us is Catholic and the other is not baptized, or a non-Christian?

 

If one party is Catholic and the other is a baptized non-Catholic and you wish to have your wedding celebrated at St. Mary, the Diocese of San Diego recommends that the marriage rite be celebrated without a full Mass. This means that the wedding ceremony would not include Holy Communion, or the Eucharistic Sacrifice. However, priests and deacons within the Diocese may grant permission to celebrate the marriage within Mass, or a Mass with the full Liturgy of the Eucharist and Eucharistic Sacrifice, when it is pastorally appropriate to do so. If the wedding is celebrated within Mass, Holy Communion may not be given to the non-Catholic party unless he or she is a member of the Eastern Church (Rite of Marriage, no. 8; Cannon 844).

When two baptized persons marry, they vow to live a sacramental marriage within the Church. As such, the couple should bear in mind that the Catholic spouse is under a serious obligation to ensure the couple’s children are raised within the Catholic faith. The Catholic party must make a formal promise to this, and the non-Catholic party must be made aware of that promise, while promising that the Catholic spouse is free to practice the Catholic faith.

5. Can we get married in the Catholic Church if one of us is Catholic and the other is not baptized, or a non-Christian?

Yes, according to the Canon Law of the Church, a wedding between a Catholic and a non-Christian can be a valid bond if the couple obtains from the Catholic party’s bishop a special document, or permission, called a dispensation. Dispensations are a relaxation of ecclesiastical laws in a particular case (Canon 85) and state that after a careful review, the religious diversity will not affect, nor influence, the couple’s marriage. The priest, deacon, or the Marriage and Family Life Coordinator who is accompanying your Marriage Catechumenate will help you obtain the dispensation. Obtaining the document can take time, so please begin the process early.

After having received a Dispensation, you may have your wedding at St. Mary; however, your marriage cannot be celebrated within Mass. This means, you may not have a full Mass with the Holy Eucharist.

 

When a Catholic person marries, he or she vows to live a sacramental marriage within the Church. As such, the couple should bear in mind that the Catholic spouse is under a serious obligation to ensure that their children are raised within the Catholic faith. The Catholic party must make a formal promise to this, and the non-Catholic party must be made aware of that promise, while promising the Catholic spouse to freely practice the Catholic faith.

 

6. We’re already civilly married. Do we really need the Marriage Catechumenate and formation period?

Yes, couples who are currently civilly married but wish to be sacramentally married should meet with Pastor or another member of the clergy, and the Marriage and Family Life Coordinator to begin the preparation process. The preparation process helps the couple convalidate their marriage. Convalidation confers upon the couple the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, emphasizing that marriage is “a gift given for the sanctification and salvation of the spouses” (Pope Francis, Amoris Leatitia). It brings the marriage to the dignity of a sacrament in order for it to become fully recognized by the Catholic Church.

 

The process of Convalidation is not simply the renewal of promises, nor is it a blessing of the union made in the civil ceremony. Instead, the Convalidation is an entirely new act of consent made by each spouse before God. The new act of consent and the words the couple expresses to one another are outward signs of the selfless gifts they become to one another before God.

The preparation process helps the couple prepare to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony. Because a Convalidation is “the creation of a valid marriage in the sight of the Christian community,” (United States Council of Catholic Bishops [USCCB]), Canon law requires a formal period of thorough preparation for all couples who are civilly married prior to entering the Sacrament of Matrimony.

The St. Mary Marriage Catechumenate personalizes the period of formation so that it meets the needs of couples who have been civilly married for three years or more. Couples who have been civilly married for less than three years will participate in a personalized Marriage Catechumenate more closely aligned to that of the traditional engagement formation.

Please note that each couple must first meet with a parish priest to review their needs and the facts of their civil marriage.

 

7. Can we complete the Marriage Catechumenate at St. Mary and have our nuptial celebration at another church?

St. Mary welcomes, and will work to personalize, to the extent possible and appropriate, the Marriage Catechumenate for all parishioners and any engaged couple who are not parishioners. If you would like to complete the Marriage Catechumenate at St. Mary and celebrate your wedding liturgy at a church other than St. Mary, please let us know as soon as possible so we can collaborate and coordinate with the clergy and pastoral staff at the parish of your nuptial ceremony. Please note that additional paperwork and /or time may be necessary for nuptial ceremonies occurring outside of the parish, with extended time required for parishes outside of the San Diego Diocese, especially those celebrated internationally. Separate donations are appreciated for each parish in which formation and the celebration of the wedding liturgy are completed. For additional information about the Marriage Catechumenate at St. Mary as non-parishioners, please see the answer to Question 11, Can We get married at St. Mary if we are not parishioners?

 

8. Can we get married in the Catholic Church if one of us was married previously?

Yes, parties who have been previously married may marry as long as the previous marriage has been declared null, or invalid, by the Catholic Church, or if the former spouse has died. A statement of legal divorce is not enough for a couple to enter into another sacramental bond of marriage.
 
Couples who were previously married should go through a process of annulment so they can enter into a sacramental marriage through the Church. An annulment is a declaration by a Church tribunal, or a special church council, that the previous marriage was thought to be invalid because it fell short of at least one of the essential elements required for a binding union. An annulment is does not undo the previous marriage, nor is it a “catholic divorce.”

 

In faithfulness to Jesus's teaching, the Catholic Church believes that marriage is a lifelong bond (Matthew 19:1-10), and so requires a divorced person to obtain a declaration of nullity before marrying someone else in the Catholic Church or before becoming a Catholic. This means that even if one party is not Catholic and was previously married, an annulment in the Church is required. It also means that if one party is Catholic but did not previously marry in the Church, the marriage must still be reviewed.

 

If you, or your fiancée has a previous marriage, the parish staff will accompany you through the annulment process as part of your Marriage Catechumenate.

 

9. What documents do we need to get married?

Certain documents are required to establish your sacramental status within the Church, your freedom from any previous unions, as well as your sworn statements that attest to your clear understanding of the nature and responsibilities of Christian Marriage. The documents required for all completed marriage files, which each couple is responsible for obtaining include:

·        Pre-Nuptial Examination: The completion of this form occurs during your initial meeting with the priest, deacon, and / or the Marriage and Family Life Coordinator. It is for the purposes of determining the freedom and appropriate intentions of the couple in their preparation of marriage. 

·        Baptismal Certificate: Catholic parties must request a copy of their baptismal certificates within 6 months of your wedding date. These can be obtained by contacting your church of Baptism and requesting a new certificate. It is best to request a Baptismal Certificate for the Purposes of Marriage because doing so will issue a recent certificate with notations of other sacraments obtained prior to the date of marriage. For parties baptized in another Christian faith, a copy of the original baptismal certificate is sufficient. 

·        First Holy Communion and Confirmation Certificate: These can be obtained by contacting the church where the sacrament occurred. If you have requested a Baptismal certificate for the purposes of marriage, the notations of the sacraments on the current Baptismal certificate are sufficient.

·        Freedom to Marry Affidavits (2 for each party): These are sworn statements, witnessed by a Priest, Deacon or the Marriage and Family Life Coordinator, which attest that you are free to marry and that there is no known impediment to the marriage. These forms are typically completed by parents; however, they may be completed by other individuals who have known you for most of their lives.

·        Civil marriage license or certificate: Our priests and deacons who will officiate your wedding liturgy are recognized by the State to serve as the Justice of the Peace in the context of a religious ceremony. The marriage license will become part of your marriage file so the priest or deacon can sign it the day of your wedding, with your two witnesses. You can apply for the civil license at any county clerk’s department. If you are civilly married, please bring a copy of your marriage certificate instead of the marriage license. 

·        Marriage Catechumenate Certificates: Please see below for a list of certificates and documents that will be completed, and collected in your marriage file, throughout your Marriage Catechumenate.

Documents that are required but unique to a couple’s personalized Catechumenate, as each situation necessitates, include:

·        Matrimonial Dispensation: These forms apply only when a Catholic marries a non-Catholic party. When a Catholic prepares to marry someone from another faith tradition, a document called a “dispensation” is required. For more information regarding mixed marriages, please see the answer to Question 4: Can we get married in the Catholic Church if one of us is Catholic and the other is a baptized non-Catholic? For more information regarding interfaith marriages, please see the answer to Question 5: Can we get married in the Catholic Church if one of us is Catholic and the other is not baptized, or a non-Christian?

·        Declaration of Nullity: This form applies only to couples who have had a previous marriage. A declaration of nullity, which is sometimes referred to as an annulment, is the written statement by the Diocesan Tribunal, or council, that affirms at the time two people exchanged marital consent, there was something essential missing that prevented a valid marriage bond from being formed. For each party of a couple who had a previous marriage, a declaration of nullity is required prior to setting a wedding date. For more information, please see the answer to Question 8: Can we get married in the Catholic Church if one of us was married previously?

·        International Weddings: if a couple wishes to hold their nuptial celebration in a country outside of the United States, additional documentation is required. For all international weddings all required documentation and the entire Marriage Catechumenate must be completed at least three (3) months prior to the date of the scheduled wedding.

Additional documents for international weddings include:

o  copies of the birth certificates for both the bride and groom

o  copies of the passports for both the bride and groom

o  a copy of a recent baptismal certification of the maid, or matron, of honor, if she is Catholic

o  a copy of a copy of a recent baptismal certification of the best man, if he is Catholic

For additional information, please see the answer to Question 7: Can we complete the Marriage Catechumenate at St. Mary and have our nuptial celebration at another church?

 

Preparation for Christian Marriage is much more than just the gathering of required documents. Marriage preparation is a movement of the heart, where each couple is provided the opportunity to grow together, enriching their relationship with Christ, while reflecting in a comprehensive way on the meaning of the marital vocation. As such, various documents and certificates of completion will be added to your marriage file as you journey through the Marriage Catechumenate. Documents to be acquired during each couple’s Marriage Catechumenate, include:

 

·        The Rite of Welcome Certificate

·        The Rite of Betrothal Certificate (optional)

·        The FOCCUS Certificate of Completion

·        The Orbit of Love Certificate of Completion

·        The Witness to Love Certificate of Completion

·        A Natural Family Planning Certificate of Completion

·        An Additional Diocesan-Approved Retreat (optional)

 

For more information about the Marriage formation process at St. Mary, please see the link to St. Mary Marriage Catechumenate Information

 

10. Why do we have to get married inside of the Church?

In the Roman Catholic Diocese of San Diego, every sacred event in the life of a Catholic, including the celebration of Holy Mass, baptisms, reconciliation, confirmation, weddings, and funerals are to be celebrated at a church. The Sacrament of Matrimony is a sacred event in which Christ is truly present and administers a sanctifying grace to you, as a couple, which gives you the actual graces you need to love each other beyond what you could do on your own. When you receive the Sacrament of Matrimony, Christ, who is fully present in the church, truly dwells within your marriage. This sacred event of the sacrament belongs in a holy dwelling. The church is that sacred dwelling place, which is the heart of our life as a faithful Catholic community. It is the place where Jesus Himself is fully and truly present.

 

As such, the correct and most appropriate place for your sacred exchange of wedding vows is in the holy place of the physical church, where Christ is physically present in the tabernacle and made truly present in the Holy Eucharist.

 

Ultimately, location has meaning. As beautiful as they may be, wineries, public gardens, beaches, or catering halls are not sacred places. They are not places where people typically gather in praise and thanksgiving to worship God in the presence of Christ and each other. Following the exchange of your wedding vows, it is appropriate to have your reception at such a secular location should you choose a location other than the parish hall.

 

11. Can We get married at St. Mary if we are not parishioners?

St. Mary welcomes all parishioners and any engaged couple who are not parishioners! As a parish, we recognize that Catholics have the right to marry in the parish within whose boundaries they have lived for at least one month (Canon 1115). However, we also recognize that a couple can celebrate their marriage outside of the parish in which they reside, but will need the permission of the pastor in order to do so.

 

If you are not a parishioner of St. Mary, please call us so we can accompany you throughout your sacramental formation! We understand it has become common for engaged couples to get married outside of their home parish. Many couples, for example, choose to get married at the parish they grew up attending, or choose a particular destination.

 

If you are selecting St. Mary as a destination, please note that to the extent possible, the Church encourages engaged couples to prepare for marriage at the parish where they are most likely to attend Mass, and where they are most likely to continue attending after their wedding. If this is not possible or you have selected St. Mary’s Catechumenate for specific reason, please contact us; we would be delighted to accompany you on your sacramental formation.

 

If you do not have a home parish, we invite and welcome you to our Parish community. We encourage couples to consider the Marriage Catechumenate as an opportunity to connect with others and participate in the gift of parish community.

 

12. Do we have to be confirmed before we get married?

Cannon 1065 states that “Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before they are admitted to marriage if it can be done without grave inconvenience.” In the sacrament of confirmation, the baptized person is “sealed with the Gifts of the Holy Spirit” and strengthened for service to the Body of Christ. Confirmation completes and strengthens the graces that were given to you at your Baptism.

 

As you seek to live a life of self-giving through the Sacrament of Matrimony, your vocation to your spouse will be fortified by the gifts you receive through the Sacrament of Confirmation. There are many adults confirmed every year through OCIA (Order of Christian Initiation for Adults), which is adult faith formation. To learn more about the OCIA process at St. Mary, please click here. For Spanish, please click here

 

If you are unable to enroll in OCIA or have the sacrament of confirmation conferred prior to your wedding date, you may still be married. You are, however, encouraged to enroll in OCIA and receive the sacrament of confirmation at the earliest possible date after your nuptial ceremony.

 

Please note, if you are civilly married and enrolled in OCIA, you must complete the Marriage Catechumenate and be sacramentally married prior to obtaining your sacraments of initiation at the Easter Vigil.

 

13. Where can we find support for living and enriching our married vocation?

When considering the resources to support married couples, St. Pope John Paul II said that “Christian marriage, like the other sacraments, ‘whose purpose is to sanctify people, to build up the body of Christ, and finally, to give worship to God,’ is in itself a liturgical action glorifying God in Jesus Christ and in the Church” (Familiaris Consortio, Section 56). Giving your lives first to God, then to your spouse and children paves the way for an ordered life that allows you to activate and use your baptismal gifts. 

 

Marriage preparation doesn’t end when you complete your rehearsal or say your vows at the Altar: it continues throughout your entire marriage. We encourage couples to continue learning how to love each other better, how to communicate better, and how to enjoy the daily moments with each other in thanksgiving and praise. We encourage you to keep enriching your marriage by appreciating one another in the small things, turning ordinary moments into extraordinary ones and taking time together: continue to date and set aside quality time together – for the rest of your lives. Make time for regular Mass attendance, ministry involvement, Marriage Enrichment small groups, and participation in parish events and activities.

In addition to active membership in your parish community, there are many ways to grow together spiritually, such as praying together as a couple; connecting with other Catholic couples; attending, or even hosting Bible studies; and even being an eventual sponsor couple for other couples in the Marriage Catechumenate. Other great activities are to participate in family programs and to go on spiritual retreats, some of which are designed for married couples. Continue to enrich your marriage through retreats, programs, and pilgrimages. Many are promoted in parishes throughout the Diocese of San Diego.

Another great way to grow as a couple is to be involved in volunteer work together. There are various community opportunities, beginning at St. Mary. You can also contact groups that run soup kitchens, crisis pregnancy centers, homes for unwed mothers, Habitat for Humanity, the Arc of San Diego, or even the Humane Society. Local pro-life organizations always need support, and offer a great opportunity to make a difference. Click here for a list of ministries at St. Mary Parish.